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Portion 47

Golden Text: Exodus 20:12
Readings for the week:

Day 1: Psalm 27

Day 2: Proverbs 22-23

Day 3: Malachi 1

Day 4: Matthew 15

Day 5: John 8-9

Day 6: Ephesians 6:1-9

I- Honoring parents ensures quality of life.

Interestingly, God puts respect for parents at the height of acknowledging Him as God. One of the reasons for this is found in the text itself: “so that your days may be lengthened“, which does not refer to long-suffering, but to quality of life. In a person’s growth, much is due to friction with parents, even unconsciously. If there is not a good management of these emotions, the life of the human being will be very unbalanced. To have a good deal with these emotions, you must start at this point of honoring them.

II- Parents do not need to deserve, honoring them is an oath.

Honoring is much more than giving thanks for the provisions or benefits that parents have done for their children. Notice that this word came to a generation that did very little for its children in the sense of provision. God was the one who provided food, clothing, and everything needed in the wilderness. This oath to honor parents does not depend on what parents do for their children or whether they were good parents; rather they are to be respected because the gift of life comes through them.

III- A balance between honoring and repairing.

This word or oath finds a parallel in Lev 19:3, where the word “fear” appears[1]. Hence, it encompasses two areas: doing positive actions (honoring) and not doing negative actions (respecting). Below are two lists of some suggestions for pondering and deepening how to honor and respect parents[2]:

Honor:

  • Look for opportunities to serve and help your parents (for example, let them sit while you bring them food or tend to them).
  • Make sure to get up and greet your parents when they enter a room where you already are.
  • Escort your parents when they leave (say “see you later”).
  • Where there is only one chair, offer it to them instead of taking it for yourself.

Respect:

    • Don’t sit in your parents’ chair.
    • Don’t call your parents by their first name but use a title like “Mommy” or “Daddy.”
    • Always use a pleasant tone of voice when talking to your parents.
    • Avoid interrupting your parents when they are talking.
    • Don’t directly contradict your parents.
    • Don’t correct or embarrass your parents in front of others.
    • Don’t argue aggressively with your parents.
    • Don’t disobey your parents.
    • Don’t start eating before your parents do.
    • Don’t leave a room or conversation without your parents’ consent.
    • Don’t wake your parents unless they ask you to.

IV- Parents are also children.

This oath is often focused only on children but remember that parents are also children. So here not only the act of doing is required, but also that of teaching children to honor their parents. This involves the teaching itself, the correction and the palpable example of the lives of parents who honor their parents. Sometimes parents demand honor from their children without having taught them by their own example.

V- Problem parents.

On the other hand, it is known that parents are not perfect, and some are “problematic”. However, no matter how difficult a parent’s character is, a child is still obligated to show honor and respect. This applies even if a biological parent has abandoned their child or even if they have been rude, unpleasant, and embarrassing them. At the same time, while this is an oath we must also be the guardian of our own well-being. Therefore, one is not obliged to jeopardize one’s physical or emotional health for a parent. Therefore, if a child cannot face the behavior of his parents, he can keep his distance without the need to dishonor him. Of course, all this in no way justifies an abusive parent. Someone once said: “abusive parents need forgiveness and their children also need to forgive“, and all this through honor.

VI- Grandparents are also parents.

From attitudes such as that of Jacob with Abraham and Moses with Jethro, it can be concluded that grandparents and in-laws are also on this list of honor. However, in a case of conflict of interest, honoring a parent takes precedence.

Honor should not accompany parents only in life but should be posthumously honored before the generations that follow. And mainly with a holy and wise life, forcing everyone to recognize how good our fathers have been when they saw our actions.

 

Questions:

1.- If someone asks you how much your parents have invested in you to honor them, what would be their response?

2.- We live in a society that tries to break this bond of honor; how could you take action to this end?

3.- What example could you give of social situations that are rude with respect to this word?

4.- Take a few minutes to honor your parents in front of your class group.

 

[1] Tiraú (תִּירָאוּ) two texts can help us to understand the dualism between fear and respect or  horar of this word: Gen 3:10; 22:12.

[2] These are not like a law to be fulfilled, but suggestions drawn from the Talmud, Arba Turim and the Shulchan Aruch, which illustrate details that can enrich reflection on this point.

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